Wednesday, April 25, 2012

A Semi-Critical Review of The J. Crew Style Guide

Well, well, well,Well, well, well,Well, well, well,Well, well, well,Well, well, well. You know a lot about what you are going to read now! Don't you!? About J. Crew, a thing that I love a lot. Most of the timing. And so. Quite recently, the J. Crew Style Guide arrived in my pet mail box. And it was exceptionally fat because it was a thick version. And so I was going to walk to Flipnotics Coffee Venue do to homework, (There was a drum circle going on there while I was trying to work. It was rather distracting!) and suddenly there was a thing that I wanted to sit and read and so I read it while I walked. And I walked into a telephone pole only once. And just a warning, I am wildly insensitive to people who might like the things I don't.


Anyway. I was slightly miffed by their pastel spring colors. It looked like an egg of Easter of fluffy cotton candy. But I will commence at the commencement. The first section was called Stripe Hype. It told me about how stripes could be considered solids. And I approved of that whole-heartedly! My favorite looks were these ones:





 I love sweaters over bathing suits, but really! Those silly J. Crewers! Thinking we can wear sweaters in Texas, because they are obviously only thinking of us and our happiness! But it's still acceptable...


Next came the pastels... Alas! Too much! Not enough black accents! Easter eggs are bad, bad, bad! No, No! Bad, silly buddy! And this section was dedicated to color! There are a few looks that I liked though!


 This picture does not do these shorts justice, so here's a close up:

 I really adore this dress and the glasses, but the yellow belt AND the turquoise shoes were a bit difficult for me stand.
 Lovely!

This picture (above) contains my favorite garment in the whole catalogue, (below) and the reason that this look isn't too Easter eggish is that some of the colors, like the red, blue and nude, are bright and not chalky.
And then there were the looks that made me scream into the depths of my mother's empty harvesting bowl that my dog chewed the edges of...

 My Goodness! The pants and the top and the necklace, to me, are not at all related and do not belong together! So there!
And I cannot stand the yellows beside each other or those glasses which she must hold, lest they explode from being huge and chunky and splattering all over her dear face! And I really don't think that the yellow, blue AND pink should all be there together!

And then came their bathing suits and I don't really have an opinion on most of them. They are inoffensive. Our lovely Eva has a nice yellow one from J. Crew. There are two that I slightly approve of, the first hinting at negative space (the last frontier!), by the way.
Rat thinks that's RAD!

And after that came Joseph Altuzarra's J. Crew designs. And they were good. And he liked some J. Crew stuff that I had already viewed in the magazine. And here are some of his looks that I like:

 I really love the head dress and all of it and more stuff! The makeup is also very sixties and tr├ęs magnifique!


YES.
AND THEN. Oh, and then. It was the Mixer Uppers that came next. And I wanted to run into an open square and start screaming obscenities (I would not dare!) and biting all of the little children! LOOKS THAT MADE ME VERY ANGRY AND NOW FOR YOU TO GAzE AT THEM AND (HOPEFULLY) GAG!


 Oh, I do not like the sequined anchor shirt and I do not like those weird flats and I think the hat is strange.
 LOOK!
 LOOK! LOK! LK! There are many things in this look that I would love by themselves! The blazer is nice, I love chambray, I like the necklace and I like that tie! I even like those paisley shorts! And the shoes! But why, pray tell, would they all be shoved into one outfit!? Dear me! They're all just shrieking with awesomeness, but it becomes a medley of mediocrity! 
 Oh....
 Ppekpc. dear dear me....
 Look!
 Look!
Look!
The shoes are the same pattern as those pants, which doesn't do much except make the outfit look uneven and unwilling to deal with the truths of life! And her top half looks wildly uncomfortable! So there!

And I liked a few. Here they are:
 I like the pattern on the pants. And belt. And flats, which you cannot see!
 Many nice details!
 Simply adore the popover! Pop! Pop!
Wow!
And then it went into business and weddings and crewcuts, the kid stuff, and then I stopped caring. 
But I love J. Crew sunglasses, though they tend to cost millions of dollars. Here are some of my favorites:
 These look like my grandmother's old glasses! Rat just ordered two pairs from forever911!



And all of those pictures are from the J. Crew Style Guide, May 2012.




1 comment:

  1. Yellow makes me look like I have a disease of the liver, so I irrationally don't like seeing it even on beautiful models. Or regular humans. Bad yellow! Orange is a close second, not convenient here in UT-obsessed Austin. More black!

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